Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Not for the Faint of Heart

In a strange little twist of my own real-life fertility drama, it appears that my fertility doctor does NOT agree with my OBGYN's diagnosis of Premature Ovarian Failure. She agrees my FSH levels are high, yes, but that I am in no way going through menopause or showing any kinds of symptoms. Thank God, because all I need right now is to start having hot flashes. That just might put me over the edge.

But seriously, even though I am not sure why I'm not getting pregnant naturally, we are at least in the process of finding out. The last year has been a weird limbo stage and now that we have a plan, I feel a calmness that I haven't felt in a long time.

I'll be having more tests done this next month and a half. Country accompanied me to this morning's visit. I was to have a saline sono-something-or-other done to check out my ovaries and tubes and when they said to get naked from the waist down, I didn't even blink an eye. Country kind of looked at me strangely as I hopped up on the table and put my feet in the stirrups. I looked back and said, "There is no room for modesty when it has to do with anything baby-related." I have been poked and prodded and given more blood for testing in the past month than I quite possibly have in my entire life. I'm pretty sure the folks down at my insurance company are probably scratching their heads right about now at the sheer number of labs being run. Oh well. What are you gonna do?

Meanwhile, the countdown is on. 12 days until we leave for Ireland.

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Farming and Fertility

The truth is, I don't know at what age I felt that I should live on a farm. I can't quite totally wrap my head around the idea or butchering a pig or performing some of the other farm necessities, but I can picture the land, feel the dirt in my nails and smell the scent of sweat, love, and of course, tomatoes. Why is that?
Apparently, I'm not the only one with the same romantic idea of farm life. I just picked up this book from the library last night and I can't.put.it.down. It's called "The Dirty Life," by Kristin Kimball. Stay tuned for a book review when I'm finished.

In other news, March 8th will be my first appointment with a doctor at a fertility clinic. After a year of heartbreak and disappointment, I finally know that there is a viable medical reason that I haven't gotten preggers yet. Thank God, because if one more person told me to relax or suggested that maybe I wasn't meant to have children, as my co-worker did, I might have poked my eyes out. But yes, after three rounds of blood tests this month, I have found out I have Premature Ovarian Failure (POF). Apparently it's pretty rare and there really isn't a whole lot of rhyme or reason as to why this happens. I have read that certain auto-immune diseases can be a contributing factor, but when I asked about Ankylosing Spondylitis, my doctor told me no (although there is very little research with AS and pregnancy/fertility).

In a nutshell, what this means for Country and I is that we will (hopefully) be having a baby by in vitro (IVF). Yup. It seems my lady parts don't want to give me a baby naturally, so we're about to embark on a strange, fascinating, shot-in-the-ass-daily, kind of world. I'm reading a lot about IVF online and trying to learn the lingo. I think Country is a little bewildered but on board. We're praying that we will be able to use my eggs and not a donors (we don't know for sure yet if I have any good eggs). Wild, huh?

Although I was obviously very upset to learn that I can't have children naturally, I can't say I'm especially surprised. Let me tell you a secret---for as long as I can remember, I have felt that I would adopt a child or children. So while I pretty-pretty-please-with-a-cherry-on-top want to have biological children, I also can say that I wouldn't be especially surprised if IVF isn't an option or doesn't work. Don't get me wrong, I'm totally optimistic about the whole thing.....it's just that I don't think it'll come as a big shock if it's not in the cards for me.

With that being said, send me your fertility vibes and wish me luck next Monday!